another silly diet fail: Slimchews

Today in my e-mail box I discovered an e-mail ad for Slimchews, with the message heading, “chew away those unwanted pounds”.

Slimchews are apparently a product endorsed by Oprah (Mrs. Tabloid TV Herself) and “seen on CBS News and 60 minutes”. Of course, the site has the obligatory statements that their product was “created and scientifically tested by our team of physicians and dietitians … After years of research…” without giving us any references to research articles or the names of the physicians and dietitians. I e-mailed them and asked if they could please provide me with references to the research that has been done by their “scientists”, but I’m not holding my breath for a response.

The e-mail I received was for a $1.00 “Risk free” trial pack of 15 chews, which also carries with it a $4.95 shipping fee.

Apparently these days, “Risk Free” trials mean that if you order their 15 day trial, on the 15th day after your order is placed, the company will start billing you monthly recurring bill payments of $43.95. If you want to cancel, you have to return the unused portion of the product within 15 days of your order being placed, which really means that this company is making it impossible for your trial to be “risk free”. Here is the fine print, literally, in a low-contrast font with the price conveniently written out in longhand so it is less noticeable, at the bottom of the page. It looks something like this, and is found on the order page and not the main page:

By submitting this order, you have read and agreed to the full terms and conditions of this offer and understand that this is a risk-free trial of SlimChews. If you are enjoying the product after the fifteen-day trial period, you will be charged forty-three dollars and ninety-five cents and enrolled into the home delivery program. We will replenish your supply every thirty days and you will be charged a total of forty-nine dollars and ninety cents so you may achieve the weight loss you desire. You may suspend or cancel your membership at any time by calling our customer service department at 1-800-314-5113. Remember, most customers see noticeable results by using SlimChews consistently for 3 months.

 So essentially, my guess is that when you call to cancel your 15 day trial, you have to return the unused portion, but only after listening to the customer service representative’s long-winded monologue about how you need to use it for three months to see any results.  The product site also claims that:

Our exclusive Rapid Absorb technology supplies your body with a full dose of nutrients quickly and efficiently for maximum results

Technology? Nutrients? What is in this product? I looked at the package labeling and apparently the ingredients are: South African Hoodia and Brazilian Cha De Bugre, and some other useless stuff like palm kernal oil, starch, and flavoring. It doesn’t actually have any nutritional value, so it’s pretty rediculous that the product is claiming to supply your body with a full dose of nutrients. Hey look, it’s got 100%* of your daily value of Red #40!

The two main “weight loss” ingredients in this product have a total of zero (0) decent research articles claiming it works for weight loss. I can’t find any references at all to Cha De Bugre in any journal or on Google Scholar. On top of that, several researchers have published articles stating that when testing “hoodia” supplements, they actually found NO hoodia in them. [1] there is a reason for that – it’s an endangered species, which puts it right up there with using ivory tusks to increase sexual vigor. I know that things sound enticing when you know that they are rare or secrets of some far off land, but really, claiming that your diet pill is “revolutionary” and backed by nameless scientists and un-referenced clinical research is effectively a giant “buy my useless product” sign.

This is just another sham snake-oil diet aimed at milking people of their money. Real weight loss takes work. I’m sorry, but it really does. Also, here’s a tip to all of those would-be senders of spam to my inbox: this is what happens.

 

1. HOODIA: MIRACLE WEIGHT LOSS HERB? Prevention May2007, Vol. 59 Issue 5, p36-36

*This statement not reviewed or endorsed by the FDA. Satire, folks.